Time with J

I hadn't seen J in about a month, but the stars aligned and we saw each other twice in two days!  The first one was super quick, just an hour or so, but yesterday we had about three hours (an eternity in affair time!)

A couple things I've noticed about J - he narrates sex.  And it's not really dirty talk, it's a lot of 'wow, we fit together so perfectly', 'this feels like such a privilege'.  It's actually kind of annoying and I generally say nothing or just 'uh huh' (and I'm a girl that likes to talk in bed!) but it makes me realize how so much of this for him is not just about sex - it's about intimacy.  It's about looking into each other's eyes and kissing and touching and experiencing this incredibly intimate thing together.  I think that's what he misses - that's probably what all my lovers (and most people seeking affairs) (except Sir!) want.  I mean, you can have an orgasm easily enough on your own, but sex really is about more than that - and I think that's really what J wants.  Of course it's not really what I want (I enjoy intimacy with romantic partners - but this isn't about romance for me) but it's still kind of nice.

The other thing that is actually annoying me is he appears to have an aversion to oral sex.  Now, while that would probably always be a problem for me, it wouldn't be such a big problem if he hadn't gone on and on about how much he loves it when we first met.  And he sends me texts and stuff in between visits telling me how much he wants to eat me, etc.  But when the time comes, I have to force him and then it's just for a couple minutes.  He also still doesn't know where the clitoris is (is it really that complicated?).  Because of this I didn't orgasm either time we met.  That's okay, but it's kind of annoying because it's not actually that difficult to make me orgasm - the guy just needs to put in a little effort.  And I've had some great orgasms with J in the past...ah well - maybe next time?

TMI Alert

WARNING:  this post is talking about some gross stuff.  If there's anyone out there in blog world reading this, consider yourself warned.

So I got a 'how ya doing' message from Sir the other day and in our exchanges I told him that I was going to be starting 'that time of the month' shortly and wouldn't be available.  A few more messages back and forth and he suggested he come over and give me a massage - nothing sexual, just friends.  Foolish me believed him!

So he came over today and started his ordinary way - hard kissing, pulling my head back, grabbing my nipples and then...hands travelled down.  I should have known something as insignificant as a tampon wouldn't stop Sir!  But it was okay and it felt pretty good, so I let things continue.  He bent me over the bed, which isn't uncommon, and gave me a few spankings (he also grabbed my hairbrush and used it on me!)  I'm still not quite understanding the whole spanking thing - I've said before, I like it in conjunction with pleasure (when he's using a toy on me and then spanks me or bites me or whatever it feels great!) but I am definitely not a masochist and I can't imagine I'll ever get to the point where I want a spanking on its own.  It either feels like nothing or pain.  So he kept touching me and then...I should have remembered there's another entire hole not affected by menstruation!  Yup, butt stuff happened.  Just with toys today, he couldn't get hard enough to actually fuck me (this is the problem with sleeping with older men who you have to use condoms with!) and most of it felt pretty good.  Towards the end though I just felt like I was going to poop everywhere (I warned you!  TMI!) and the worry about that took over everything, so I asked him to stop and went to the bathroom.  I took the toys with me and they were, er, dirty.  Blech, gross!  So that was about it for me for the night.

I went back and wound up giving him a blowjob - and got a very weird request!  A little background on Sir - although he's a Dom now he started off as a sub, and was trained by a couple.  So as I'm doing my thing he says 'bite my cock'.  What?!  I was always taught that teeth are a strict no-no!  In fact if my teeth get anywhere near J he shrieks!  I wasn't sure I heard him right so I just kept doing what I was doing, but he said it again so I bit lightly, and then a little harder and then he came.  Super weird.

Unfortunately his phone had been going off for a while so he stopped to check it and it turned out his daughter (new piece of the Sir puzzle!  He has a 19 year old daughter!) had to be picked up so he had to run out.  All in all kind of a weird night.  And my bum hurts a little.  I hope I get my massage next time!

I said what what...

...in the butt!

After Sir's last assignment, I know he wants to start training me on anal...the idea freaks me out a little bit.  I've had anal sex I think twice when I was 18.  I did it to make my then-boyfriend happy and I'm pretty sure we didn't have any lube (I probably didn't know what lube was) and I don't remember it being an awful experience (we loved each other and he was very sweet) but it was like, why bother?  Vaginal sex feels awesome!  Anal sex feels vaguely uncomfortable!  So we stuck with the old standard.

But a big part of this mistressing experiment is to learn about myself sexually and to explore, and there's a whole orifice that hasn't been explored (oh, ew, I'm grossing MYSELF out!)

Uncertain though I am about this whole thing I figured I might as well get myself organized so I'm prepared when it happens.  So I ordered myself some Sliquid Sassy lube (the 'booty' formula!) and a glass butt plug.  Sir gave me that big squishy purple thing, but I prefer having better quality toys.  The plug was actually really cheap (I think about $12?) but because it's glass it can be boiled to sterilize.  I also picked up some rubber gloves at Target for, er, digital stimulation.

My package came in yesterday.  Usually when I buy sex toys I get super excited and want to try them out immediately.  This time, not so much.  I pulled out my new Sassy lube and another bottle of Sliquid H2O which is my 'ordinary' lube and put them aside.  Nothing too exciting or erotic about lubricant, just a necessity like condoms.  And then...(ominous music)...the plug.  It's actually kind of cute.  I got this:

ns novelties Crystal Premium Glass

I put everything away in my toyboxes (yes, there are multiple!  Sir has his own - I don't know that my other lovers really want to see floggers and such!) and went about my day, occasionally thinking about it but I couldn't work up the guts.

Today I decided, hey, it's now or never.  I won't go into details but I used my Eroscillator while it was in and...it wasn't bad!  It was actually kind of pleasurable feeling 'full' like that.  I'm glad I've taken the steps so I can work on this alone before I try anything with Sir (or any of my other lovers - they're all obsessed with anal!) Wish me luck!

Thoughts on cheating

I went on a date yesterday, a first date with a single guy.  We met on a dating website (while I enjoy my lovers, I would love to meet someone I could have a complete relationship with) and have been texting for a few weeks, but between my illness recently and his travels we weren't able t get it together for a meeting for a while.

He's a nice guy, I'm not sure if there are sparks or if I'll see him again, but it was very interesting that a pretty good chunk of our conversation was about his break-up with his wife due to her infidelity.  I guess he had come across some text messages and confronted her, and it all came out.  He said something to the effect of 'I guess it was an emotional thing, I don't think it was physical'.  In any case, they've been separated for almost a year now and his ex is still with this guy.

Obviously this got me to thinking about my circumstances.  The men I am sleeping with are married.  Their relationships are all different and they're looking for an outside lover for various reasons, but the one thing they have in common is that they are married.  And there is a possibility that, as a result of my actions, their marriages could break up.

But is it a result of my actions?  I am not in love with any of these men.  Honestly, if they were single I wouldn't even date Sir or K (I might date J and A) - not because they're bad guys but our lifestyles just wouldn't mesh for various reasons.  I haven't used my siren song and feminine wiles to attract them away from loving relationships.  I haven't encouraged them to do anything they didn't want to do.  These men signed into a website whose tagline is "Life is short.  Have an affair".  They filled in their profiles. They pulled out a credit card and bought some 'credits'.  And they started messaging women looking for someone to have sex with, to have some passion with, to pull them outside of their regular lives.  And the woman they found to fulfil those fantasies was me.  And they're loving it.  Every time I see J he gets a goofy grin on his face and says "I'm so happy I met you".  K showers me with compliments constantly.  Sir has to keep his 'Domly stoicism' but I know he loves that he found me.  We're having fun.  No one is in love. No one (except maybe K) wants to fall in love.  No one wants to change anyone's current circumstances.

All that being said, I have to recognize that it very well might.  Someone might forget to wipe out text messages.  Someone's wife calls while they're supposed to be at work and they're not.  Things happen, and this could all implode.  Will I feel guilty if that happens?  Maybe.  Am I the bad guy?  I don't know.

We're walking a tightrope here, and one wrong step could cause my lovers to tumble and fall.  I only hope I have a net.

Memory...

Sir has given me a new assignment, to read this book The Surrender by Toni Bentley.  It's a memoir, it's about submission but it's mostly about (gulp) anal sex.

I'm about half-way through, but a line just reminded me of something I wanted to remember.  She's talking about the man who introduced her to anal sex and the way she feels about him and she mentions that he's her only lover who has taken the time to befriend her cat.

My lovers have all been kind, but indifferent to my cats, but there was one moment - Sir was lying on my bed and I was giving him a blow job. I looked up and my silly cat was lying on the pillow beside him, and Sir was just kind of lazily stroking her fur.  Maybe I should have been grossed out or something but...it was just so sweet.  Seeing this big dominant man who had just ordered me to suck his cock, after ravaging me for hours...sweetly petting my kitty cat.  Aww.

Presents!

Sir came over for some fun this afternoon.  And he brought presents!

He came over and I saw he had a bag in his hand.  Of course, he immediately pulled my hair back and started kissing me so I didn't know what was in it! We played for a little bit, just warming up, and he told me to go get the bag that he had left in the hall and open my presents.

This was the first one:

I have a few vibrators, and honestly I never would have bought this one for myself - I'm kind of a vibrator snob and I generally only buy higher quality ones (my three main ones each cost over $100) and this is that jelly material that doesn't hold up very well.  Still very sweet of him though!  He used it on me, and it seems to do the job!

Then I opened these:

What did I say yesterday?!  Married men love anal!  I kind of explained my theory on anal (I'm not against it, but does it really feel GOOD?) and he told me he'd train me.  This one is still in its package, didn't get used today (phew!) Again, I would have started with something different (smaller!  More of a butt plug than a dildo) but still very sweet.

The third gift was this:

Oh god, here we go - a flogger.  I knew this was going to come at some point!  Luckily this one is very tame and he just used it very lightly on me.  Even if he did it hard I don't think this one would really hurt.

One thing about Sir that is grossing me out - he seems to have extra saliva in his mouth all the time.  I don't know if this is by design or not but the problem with it is when it's in his mouth and he kisses me, then it's in my mouth and then I swallow it and...swallowing excess saliva makes me feel totally blechy.  Kind of TMI but my stomach is not happy at the moment so it's all I can think about!

Things married guys are into...

I've noticed several sexual things that my lovers and other guys I communicated with on AM all seem to be fantasizing about. The strange thing is - these aren't things I've really encountered with single guys

69 - They're all into 69!  It's so weird!  I've never thought it's such a great position, because it's very hard to concentrate on what you're doing and what you're feeling at the same time, so I feel like everyone only gets half the pleasure they would get otherwise.  I won't go on the bottom (I like having control over how deep and fast it goes when I'm giving oral) and I can't understand how having me covering their face is comfortable!  J wanted to do this today and he kept having to stop to breathe.  I don't mind doing it if that's what he's into, but I don't understand why it's such a fantasy.  With single guys?  I don't think it's been raised in ten years.

Anal - this is another one I keep getting - they're all fantasizing about rimming and anal sex!  The anal sex I can understand (from the male perspective) but they all want to lick my butt!  Blech!  This one hasn't happened in real life yet, but I would imagine if things progress with Sir something will start happening back there.  I did a tiny bit of anal stuff with my boyfriend when I was 18, I remember it being uncomfortable but not painful or awful - you know, like watching a baseball game or something - it's definitely not fun, but you can live through it and it makes your partner happy so you do it.  There has been no interest from any other guys I've dated.

Cumming on body parts - again, another one I don't really care about - you want to cum on my breasts?  Okay, go for it as long as we can hop in the shower afterwards.  It doesn't 'feel good' or turn me on but it's not bad and I'm fine with it.  They all want to do it (and so far Sir and J have) - and then they want to rub it into my skin.  Maybe it's from watching too much porn?  Again, I can't remember any single guys doing it, although I can't swear to that.

I'm sure there are others I'll remember, but this is what springs to mind right now.  

K is weird!

So I'm lying in bed last night watching tv and the phone rings - it's K!  K is actually my only lover that I speak to on the phone - he often works nights and it's quiet at work so sometimes he calls me.  So we exchanged our pleasantries and he says something to the effect of 'I know this is weird, but it's just an idea and I wanted to run it by you'.  Oh god, what's coming?

So I asked him what was up.  He starts blathering on about how great I am, how if he was in another situation I'm the kind of girl he would want to date, I'm sexy, I'm smart, I'm fun, I tell it like it is...blah blah blah.  Then he says he was talking to a friend of his, and the friend was lamenting how hard it is to find a nice girl and so K was thinking.......

........Record scratch!.......

"Do you want me to go on a date with your friend?"

Yes, apparently he did.

Isn't that so weird!?  He just sees me as more than a lover, I'm also his friend and he wants me to be happy and his friend is a really great guy...

I talked some sense into him - you know, this means we would have to be done, I couldn't date your friend and sleep with you.  And how are we supposed to explain how we know each other?  And what if we get along and he thinks, hey, you know K, let's go on a double date with him and his wife!  Yeah, bad idea all around.

I told him he's a very good friend and very sweet to be looking out for me but, no, I'm not going on a date with his friend.  What a weirdo!

Water water everywhere...

Just a funny thought I had last night.  I went to bed at my normal time but I was having difficulty sleeping, I just lay there, tossing and turning...and I started to feel kind of horny.  And it occurred to me, there are four men within 20 minutes of me right now who would love to have sex with me - and I can't call any of them because it'll wake up their wives!  Oh well, I guess sleeping with married men does have its drawbacks!

Fun with Sir!

Sir and I were able to reschedule our play session a couple days ago and am I ever glad we did!  I think he might be the best lover I've ever had.  We were together for about two hours and I don't even know how many times I came - I wouldn't be surprised if it was in the double digits!

I'm trying to figure out though how much of it is the D/s aspect, how much is his technique, and how much is just that he puts in the time to do it right.  Most of the lovers I've had in my life, and certainly the ones I have now, have wanted to please me, have wanted to pleasure me, and I know they're all trying.  The thing is - girls take time!  And I take time!  I wish I could have mind-blowing orgasms with five minutes of oral - I just can't.  And I feel for them, I do - hell, when I'm giving oral it's fun for the first five minutes and then it's like, okay, let's finish up here.  But I need more time than that and Sir gives it.  The other good thing about Sir is he's not scared to mix it up - fingers, oral, toys...so many different sensations.  He also makes things a little rough (uh, duh, he's a Dom!) which helps a lot.

We haven't really got into much real BDSM stuff - he restrained me a tiny bit the other day (just my ankles for about ten minutes) and spanked me a little, but that's it.  So far it's mostly just sex - not even especially rough sex - just a lot of it.  And I don't know if I need or want more.  The spanking doesn't really do much for me - don't get me wrong, I like having my ass slapped while I'm on top during sex, and getting my nipples pinched a little feels good while I'm being stimulated - but it's very much a 'pain added to pleasure' thing.  The plain old pain either is just annoying or hurts!  Sir is introducing me very slowly, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things turn out.

Thoughts on K

K just left.  Literally, one minute ago.  He came into town but could only stay about an hour and a half - this is the one problem with sleeping with married men - sessions are by necessity pretty short!

When we were cuddling afterward he said "I can never tell when you cum".  Ummm...because I didn't.  And I feel awful.  He is trying so hard, he probably spent 45 minutes all told with his tongue in my pussy and it's just not happening!  I don't get it!  Everything he's doing feels good, and I like it that he likes me so much...but I'm just not getting to that point.

With J, I cum from his cock - from sex.  It just hits me in the right way.  I had one of those orgasms that left me giggling and weak in the knees for 15 minutes afterwards with him.

Sir kind of took my orgasm from me - rough and using toys - and it was amazing

But K?  Nothing.  He seems to have difficulty doing more than one thing at a time - if there are fingers inside me and he's licking me, the fingers do nothing.  If the fingers start doing something, the tongue stops.

I wonder about him - he's got very big muscular arms but his stomach - I've never felt anything like it.  Not fat just...loose?  I suspect he lost a significant amount of weight and now has excess skin.  It's kind of a turn off.

I can tell he's really struggling with the idea that other men may have me too.  He doesn't know any specifics, but I'm not into lying to my lovers so I haven't told him he's the only one.  And he's brought it up a few times.  I sent him some pictures of some new toys I got about a week and a half ago, and the other day he emailed me 'have you used them with anyone else?'  Well, the answer is yes, Sir came over the night I got them.  But I know he doesn't want to hear that and I don't particularly want to discuss it.  So I didn't respond to that one (luckily he sends me a message every few hours so I just responded to the next!) but he kind of brought it up after we finished tonight.  I told him 'hey, I don't ask about every time you kiss your wife' and 'don't ask questions you don't want the answers to', but I don't know if he's going to be able to put it aside in his mind.  Oh well, I guess time will tell.

Sir had to cancel tomorrow.  I'm so disappointed :(

Is this heaven?

So several of my coworkers and I were having a tongue in cheek conversation about the afterlife today - do you believe in heaven and hell, etc.  So one guy said, "I'd like it to be like Muslim heaven where I get a bunch of girls - it would be great, maybe one would like to have sex, one would like to play tennis, one's really smart" and it got me to thinking - is my current situation heaven?

J has what I call a 'magic cock' that gets me off (from sex!  Who knew that was possible?)

K worships me and treats me like a goddess

Sir dominates me and makes me feel controlled (in a good way!)

And A and I have great talks - plus he's a photographer and there are naughty photo sessions in our future!

I guess I am in heaven!

Sick mistress...

I've developed a nasty cold!  What a pain!  I have two dates set up in the next two days - K is coming over tomorrow and Sir and I have a training session planned for the day after.

I'm not really worried about seeing K, he's very sweet, and is always emailing me talking about wanting to run me bubble baths, massage me, kiss me, etc.  I've warned him that I'm sick and he still wants to see me, so I'm sure it'll be great.

With Sir...I'm not nervous, but I'm just a little apprehensive.  I want to play the 'sub' role as well as I can when I'm with him (pretty sure it's a role - as soon as we're done I'm back to the same old bossy girl) and I'm a little worried that I might push myself a little further than I should while I'm sick.  When sitting in a chair for too long makes me sore I can't imagine what some spankings and rough sex might do!  I've emailed him and let him know I'm sick but haven't heard back yet.  Although he is a Dom he's very conscious of my feelings and limits (and has actually told me to tell him if things are getting too rough - I had very ouchy nipples last time and didn't tell him.  I should have) and, if he still wants to meet, I'm sure it'll go okay.  I'll report back!

Four Lovers

I now have four married men that I have had sex with and I plan to continue with them.

J - early forties, married, three little kids, due to medical problems his wife has completely lost her sex drive, he still loves her very much but needs sex in his life.  We've spent the most time together, 3 meetings, all have ended in sex

A - late thirties, in a common law relationship for several years, I get the feeling he's very unhappy with the way his life has turned out but feels like he's stuck.  He talks about his wife sometimes and I get the feeling he's trying to convince himself he loves her, when actually he feels obliged to stay with her (I have a feeling her parents have helped them out a lot financially).  We've met once for drinks and wound up having sex that night.  We've tried to meet up a few times since then but it hasn't worked out yet.  We'll keep trying!

K - mid-thirties, married, two tween-age kids, has an 'open relationship/don't ask don't tell' with his wife - they're staying together because they know it would destroy the kids if they split up.  Quite obsessed with me!  My only lover who has brought me gifts so far (nothing outlandish), we've met twice - once for drinks and a make-out session and the second time he came over and we had sex.  A very giving lover, really seems to want me to be happy - he's the one that most seems to want to 'date' me.

Sir - late forties, married, I know the least about him of all my lovers, don't know if he has kids, I get the feeling he owns some kind of store or other business, he's a self-avowed Dom, very into BDSM.  We've talked a lot about limits, the scariest part of BDSM for me is the pain, and he's assured me he's not really that into that aspect of it - it's more heightening the pleasure with pain and not pain for pain's sake (while I kind of enjoy being controlled and a little bit of pain, I can't take that much!).  We've had sex once that was pretty rough for 'vanilla', but very tame for BDSM.  We're going to see each other again soon.

I've gone off of Ashley Madison for the time being - I never imagined I would find four such great guys so quickly and I don't want to risk meeting another one!

Sir...

My latest lover...is a Dom!  I actually know a fair amount of BDSM, not because I've ever really been interested in exploring it myself, but more just out of morbid curiosity - do people really like this?  Could people ACTUALLY enjoy pain?  I could understand enjoying the control and some light bondage and stuff, but a lot of it, especially when people kind of treat it as their 'lifestyle' was completely foreign to me.  Still is, but I'm moving...

Sir messaged me on AM one day and I kind of just responded as a goof - I would never actually want to do this IRL!  We messaged for a few days and he started making comments about meeting, and I just stopped responding completely.  Not my thing, it was fun to play sub online a little bit, but no.  I am far too self-assured and bossy to ever take on that role!

But then I started thinking...and reading...and thinking some more.  I reached back out to him and last week we met.  He's quite a bit older than me (I think about 17 years) and is married to a vanilla woman (i.e. not into kink/BDSM) but has been doing the Dom thing for quite a while now (I'm not sure exactly how long).  We met for a walk in the park (broad daylight, tons of people around!) and I don't think I've ever felt that intimidated on a 'date' before.  Generally I'm very confident and self assured but around him I kind of folded in on myself...guess that's the domination.

We talked for about an hour and then parted ways with plans to meet up later that week.

I sent him my address and he came over one night about 9:00 - it was a very different experience!  He kind of grabbed me right away and kissed me, hard.  He was leading me by my hair from room to room, reaching under my skirt, rubbing me forcefully...calling me a sub...it was just different.

I had probably one of my best orgasms but I don't know if it was because of the control/BDSM aspect or just because he kept at it for much longer than most men do.  Lots of oral, using toys on me, rubbing...he kept it pretty light on the BDSM stuff, slapped my ass a couple times, bit me a little not that much.  He did a horrible number on my nipples though - they were aching for the next 24 hours!  Since then I've told him to take it a little easier - I'm not used to that much pulling and pinching!

I've been trying to get into the 'sub-space', but it's kind of hard for me - my mind doesn't go there for me.  At one point I came, and I get pretty noisy when I cum and I've been told before I look like I'm about to cry.  It's just the way my face goes.  So that happened and he holds on to me like, 'shhh, you're okay'.  Yeah, I know I'm okay!  I had an orgasm - I'm okay!  But I guess in D/s often subs feel scared or overwhelmed.  I didn't feel that way - I just felt like I'd had a good fun session of sex!

We're definitely going to meet up again soon and I've told him he can push a little harder (but easier on the nips!) so we'll see if moving things on a little harder shows me the thrill of BDSM...

J...Part Two

After about a week of communicating with a few men, and J asking me to meet I decided that if I wanted to see if this was something I liked, I would have to go ahead and move it off of the computer.

J and I had exchanged messages outlining a story that involved us meeting in a coffee shop and going back to my place, and so we decided to meet in a coffee shop nearby.  I went to work that morning and was so nervous all day knowing what I had planned - this wasn't just a date, this was a date with a married man.  A married man with children who I had never met before, but with whom I had shared explicit fantasies.  A man who might be trying to exploit me, or use me, or hurt me.  Or maybe the man I felt through his words...a lonely man who loved his wife and family but wanted to experience more.

I almost backed out.

I went home and took a quick shower, thinking 'I am washing myself because I am meeting a man in an hour and I know there's a very good chance we are going to have sex'.  It was a very strange thought, and the butterflies were flitting around in my stomach.

The time rolled around.  I looked at myself in the mirror.  If I was ever going to do this, now was the time.  I was doing this.  Taking my first steps towards maybe being a mistress.  Toward possibly being the catalyst to destroy a relationship.  I grabbed my purse and walked out the door.

When I got to the coffee shop I realized we hadn't clarified where we would meet.  I scanned the faces outside, no, that's not him, that's not him, I don't THINK that's him...I went inside and got in line.  I saw a guy sitting with a laptop who kind of glanced up at me a couple times.  He didn't look like the pictures, no I don't think J would have brought a laptop.  Would he?  Is that him?  As I moved up in line I got to see another part of the shop - and there he was.  On the other side of the room, that was the face.  I left the line and walked over to him.

We gave each other a quick hug and I suggested we go back and get a coffee.  We returned to the table with our coffees and started to make a little small talk, normal first date stuff, 'so what do you do?  How was your day?'  But this was not just any first date.  This man and I had exchanged graphic emails outlining what we would like to do with each other.  I knew he was married, he knew I knew he was married.  We both knew why we were there, but didn't know how to broach it.  He leaned in and kind of shielded his face from the rest of the room and started telling me how excited my messages got him.  We started whispering a little bit back and forth and my hands were completely shaking.

I don't know how I did it.  I don't know where the confidence came from.  I don't know.  But I said, 'do you want to get out of here?'  Yes, he did.

A...Part One

A...oh A...

I think I actually reached out to A first.  I saw his profile while I was still conducting searches (amazing how quickly that stops!  I probably haven't done a search since my second day), 38 years old, 6'0", into extended foreplay, into passion and intimacy, a professional...like it was written just for me!

We exchanged a few messages and he showed me his pictures...two face shots, a full body and two bulge shots (A, I will learn, is VERY into taking bulge shots!) - very cute, smart, can spell...excellent.  We quickly started texting on Tiger Text and after several hours of pretty constant texting we were both still wearing all our clothes in our fantasy.  The boy likes foreplay, and he can chat...damn, he can chat!

Maybe I'll take a second to talk about Tiger Text.  It's THE app for people who are cheating (although they say it's not!) for several reasons.  First of all, because it goes over wifi or 3G and not as a text message there's no record on the phone bill.  Especially when an affair is starting out and you're texting constantly this is very important - you don't want the wife opening the cell phone bill and seeing you're spending the whole day texting some strange number.  The next great thing about Tiger Text is you can set it up so that your messages automatically erase after a certain amount of time.  I use 4 hours, and 4 hours after it's sent, it's gone.  So just in case someone does stumble upon it, chances are pretty good that most of the incriminating stuff will be wiped.  Obviously, if you're cheating and your partner has access to your phone you should wipe it at the end of every convo.  The other fun thing about Tiger Text is you can record 60 second audio clips and send them to each other!  A and I have heard each other cum a few times already and haven't even met!  It's extremely exciting!

A and I have a date in a couple days to meet IRL.  I'm very excited about this one!

C...

Another guy I started communicating with right off the bat was 'C'.  He sent me a couple messages and we went back and forth a little, then he opened up his photos to me - a couple kind of blurry selfies and a couple shots of his chest.  Nothing too exciting, but not too bad.

C is 34 and has been married for 10 years, with his wife since he was 17 years old, and they have two little kids.  He tells me he's had a couple little flings here and there but no extended affairs.

C is one of the first guys I start chatting with on Tiger Text and he texts me A LOT.  First thing in the morning, late at night, all day long.  We conducted several sexting sessions and he started asking to meet.  I pushed against it and we kept chatting.  He doesn't have the most vivid imagination, but gives some solid chat.  After about a week of chat (and a fun afternoon with J!  Story to come) I agreed to meet.  We made arrangements to meet at a bar near my place on a Sunday afternoon.

Sunday afternoon rolls around, I'm about to leave the house and he texts me that the bar is closed.  After some texts back and forth, I tell him I'll wait for him at a coffee shop nearby.  I get there first and take a seat and text him letting him know where I am...and then he comes in.  And, no.  Great chat - not cute.  Dressed very blue collar (I kind of knew what he did so wasn't too surprised by that) and bad teeth.  My heart kind of sunk, but I thought, okay, I'll give him a shot.  We got a coffee and sat down and started kind of chatting a little bit awkwardly.  The way we were sitting we were beside each other, and as I turned to look at him..."Do you smoke?"  It just fell out of my mouth, it was all I could smell.  He said, "yeah, I told you that".  No, you most definitely did not tell me that.

It's not that smoking is a COMPLETE deal breaker.  If a man was thrilling and gorgeous and sexy and always carried gum I could maybe deal with it.  Not cute, blue collar and smokes - not going to happen.  I explained to him that doing this was a big deal for me and I wasn't prepared to do it unless there was a really strong connection, and I didn't think that was there.  He understood and we parted ways.  He sent me a couple texts thanking me for my honesty and telling me how I was more than he expected.  Very sweet.  I'm sure he's a great husband and father, I'm sure he can make some other woman feel very special, but I'm not that other woman...

J...Part One

Obviously, after I signed up for Ashley Madison I immediately started reading profiles and checking out who was winking/sending messages/sending pictures.  Very quickly it gets overwhelming, and my profile now specifies I don't respond to just winks and to send me a message.  J was lucky enough to contact me while I was still able to handle all the interest.

J was the second guy to send me pictures - several very cute face shots (no penises which is a VERY common shot to get out there) and sent me a wink.  I responded with something innocuous and we started chatting.  We started off talking about what we were looking for, and what brought us to AM.  J told me that he loved his wife and kids but his sex life was completely non-existent and he wasn't willing to give up that part of his life.  He wanted some excitement in his life - and I was excited to maybe be the girl to give it to him!

After a few messages back and forth (where he used the magic words 'I  am REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY into oral sex') he asked for a picture.  At the time I didn't have pictures on AM, but I decided if I actually wanted to try this, some pictures were necessary.  So I took a candid shot of my boobs (in a bra) and found a picture of my face where I look pretty cute and submitted them to AM.  When they were approved (any time you change something on your profile someone at AM reviews it before making it public - I'm assuming the big thing is so you can't just give your email address or whatever out without actual contact - and money for them) I sent them off and he immediately asked me to meet in a few days.

That was a little quick for me so I asked him to tell me what would happen if we did meet.  A big part of AM (and part that I very much enjoy!) is sexting/cybering/sharing fantasies, and so we started trading messages fantasizing about what we would do with each other.  Then he did it.  He knew exactly what I wanted to hear and he started saying it over and over.

I want you.

I want you.

I want you.

To me the hottest thing about being with a married man is being desired desperately, knowing that they're going through their ordinary lives dreaming about me, having to hide what they're thinking but desperate to get me alone.

I made arrangements to take the afternoon off work the next day...

And so it begins...

Married men like me.  Really like me.  For the last several years, every man that has shown interest in me has been married, and generally quite a bit older than me.  This is very frustrating when you're a young(ish) woman trying to date and find a great guy.

After a lot of soul searching (to be discussed in further posts) I decided to explore the idea of having an affair with a married man (or men).  This blog will chronicle my experiences on Ashley Madison learning if this is something I like, if there are great married men out there, and understanding a little more about the human experience.  What makes people want to cheat?  What makes me excited to get involved in them?  And do all the guys on Ashley Madison really like giving oral sex as much as they say they do?!