Sir has given me a new assignment, to read this book The Surrender by Toni Bentley. It's a memoir, it's about submission but it's mostly about (gulp) anal sex.
I'm about half-way through, but a line just reminded me of something I wanted to remember. She's talking about the man who introduced her to anal sex and the way she feels about him and she mentions that he's her only lover who has taken the time to befriend her cat.
My lovers have all been kind, but indifferent to my cats, but there was one moment - Sir was lying on my bed and I was giving him a blow job. I looked up and my silly cat was lying on the pillow beside him, and Sir was just kind of lazily stroking her fur. Maybe I should have been grossed out or something but...it was just so sweet. Seeing this big dominant man who had just ordered me to suck his cock, after ravaging me for hours...sweetly petting my kitty cat. Aww.
Sunday 28 July 2013
Saturday 27 July 2013
Presents!
Sir came over for some fun this afternoon. And he brought presents!
He came over and I saw he had a bag in his hand. Of course, he immediately pulled my hair back and started kissing me so I didn't know what was in it! We played for a little bit, just warming up, and he told me to go get the bag that he had left in the hall and open my presents.
This was the first one:
I have a few vibrators, and honestly I never would have bought this one for myself - I'm kind of a vibrator snob and I generally only buy higher quality ones (my three main ones each cost over $100) and this is that jelly material that doesn't hold up very well. Still very sweet of him though! He used it on me, and it seems to do the job!
Then I opened these:
What did I say yesterday?! Married men love anal! I kind of explained my theory on anal (I'm not against it, but does it really feel GOOD?) and he told me he'd train me. This one is still in its package, didn't get used today (phew!) Again, I would have started with something different (smaller! More of a butt plug than a dildo) but still very sweet.
The third gift was this:
Oh god, here we go - a flogger. I knew this was going to come at some point! Luckily this one is very tame and he just used it very lightly on me. Even if he did it hard I don't think this one would really hurt.
One thing about Sir that is grossing me out - he seems to have extra saliva in his mouth all the time. I don't know if this is by design or not but the problem with it is when it's in his mouth and he kisses me, then it's in my mouth and then I swallow it and...swallowing excess saliva makes me feel totally blechy. Kind of TMI but my stomach is not happy at the moment so it's all I can think about!
He came over and I saw he had a bag in his hand. Of course, he immediately pulled my hair back and started kissing me so I didn't know what was in it! We played for a little bit, just warming up, and he told me to go get the bag that he had left in the hall and open my presents.
This was the first one:
I have a few vibrators, and honestly I never would have bought this one for myself - I'm kind of a vibrator snob and I generally only buy higher quality ones (my three main ones each cost over $100) and this is that jelly material that doesn't hold up very well. Still very sweet of him though! He used it on me, and it seems to do the job!
Then I opened these:
What did I say yesterday?! Married men love anal! I kind of explained my theory on anal (I'm not against it, but does it really feel GOOD?) and he told me he'd train me. This one is still in its package, didn't get used today (phew!) Again, I would have started with something different (smaller! More of a butt plug than a dildo) but still very sweet.
The third gift was this:
Oh god, here we go - a flogger. I knew this was going to come at some point! Luckily this one is very tame and he just used it very lightly on me. Even if he did it hard I don't think this one would really hurt.
One thing about Sir that is grossing me out - he seems to have extra saliva in his mouth all the time. I don't know if this is by design or not but the problem with it is when it's in his mouth and he kisses me, then it's in my mouth and then I swallow it and...swallowing excess saliva makes me feel totally blechy. Kind of TMI but my stomach is not happy at the moment so it's all I can think about!
Friday 26 July 2013
Things married guys are into...
I've noticed several sexual things that my lovers and other guys I communicated with on AM all seem to be fantasizing about. The strange thing is - these aren't things I've really encountered with single guys
69 - They're all into 69! It's so weird! I've never thought it's such a great position, because it's very hard to concentrate on what you're doing and what you're feeling at the same time, so I feel like everyone only gets half the pleasure they would get otherwise. I won't go on the bottom (I like having control over how deep and fast it goes when I'm giving oral) and I can't understand how having me covering their face is comfortable! J wanted to do this today and he kept having to stop to breathe. I don't mind doing it if that's what he's into, but I don't understand why it's such a fantasy. With single guys? I don't think it's been raised in ten years.
Anal - this is another one I keep getting - they're all fantasizing about rimming and anal sex! The anal sex I can understand (from the male perspective) but they all want to lick my butt! Blech! This one hasn't happened in real life yet, but I would imagine if things progress with Sir something will start happening back there. I did a tiny bit of anal stuff with my boyfriend when I was 18, I remember it being uncomfortable but not painful or awful - you know, like watching a baseball game or something - it's definitely not fun, but you can live through it and it makes your partner happy so you do it. There has been no interest from any other guys I've dated.
Cumming on body parts - again, another one I don't really care about - you want to cum on my breasts? Okay, go for it as long as we can hop in the shower afterwards. It doesn't 'feel good' or turn me on but it's not bad and I'm fine with it. They all want to do it (and so far Sir and J have) - and then they want to rub it into my skin. Maybe it's from watching too much porn? Again, I can't remember any single guys doing it, although I can't swear to that.
I'm sure there are others I'll remember, but this is what springs to mind right now.
Monday 22 July 2013
K is weird!
So I'm lying in bed last night watching tv and the phone rings - it's K! K is actually my only lover that I speak to on the phone - he often works nights and it's quiet at work so sometimes he calls me. So we exchanged our pleasantries and he says something to the effect of 'I know this is weird, but it's just an idea and I wanted to run it by you'. Oh god, what's coming?
So I asked him what was up. He starts blathering on about how great I am, how if he was in another situation I'm the kind of girl he would want to date, I'm sexy, I'm smart, I'm fun, I tell it like it is...blah blah blah. Then he says he was talking to a friend of his, and the friend was lamenting how hard it is to find a nice girl and so K was thinking.......
........Record scratch!.......
"Do you want me to go on a date with your friend?"
Yes, apparently he did.
Isn't that so weird!? He just sees me as more than a lover, I'm also his friend and he wants me to be happy and his friend is a really great guy...
I talked some sense into him - you know, this means we would have to be done, I couldn't date your friend and sleep with you. And how are we supposed to explain how we know each other? And what if we get along and he thinks, hey, you know K, let's go on a double date with him and his wife! Yeah, bad idea all around.
I told him he's a very good friend and very sweet to be looking out for me but, no, I'm not going on a date with his friend. What a weirdo!
So I asked him what was up. He starts blathering on about how great I am, how if he was in another situation I'm the kind of girl he would want to date, I'm sexy, I'm smart, I'm fun, I tell it like it is...blah blah blah. Then he says he was talking to a friend of his, and the friend was lamenting how hard it is to find a nice girl and so K was thinking.......
........Record scratch!.......
"Do you want me to go on a date with your friend?"
Yes, apparently he did.
Isn't that so weird!? He just sees me as more than a lover, I'm also his friend and he wants me to be happy and his friend is a really great guy...
I talked some sense into him - you know, this means we would have to be done, I couldn't date your friend and sleep with you. And how are we supposed to explain how we know each other? And what if we get along and he thinks, hey, you know K, let's go on a double date with him and his wife! Yeah, bad idea all around.
I told him he's a very good friend and very sweet to be looking out for me but, no, I'm not going on a date with his friend. What a weirdo!
Sunday 21 July 2013
Water water everywhere...
Just a funny thought I had last night. I went to bed at my normal time but I was having difficulty sleeping, I just lay there, tossing and turning...and I started to feel kind of horny. And it occurred to me, there are four men within 20 minutes of me right now who would love to have sex with me - and I can't call any of them because it'll wake up their wives! Oh well, I guess sleeping with married men does have its drawbacks!
Fun with Sir!
Sir and I were able to reschedule our play session a couple days ago and am I ever glad we did! I think he might be the best lover I've ever had. We were together for about two hours and I don't even know how many times I came - I wouldn't be surprised if it was in the double digits!
I'm trying to figure out though how much of it is the D/s aspect, how much is his technique, and how much is just that he puts in the time to do it right. Most of the lovers I've had in my life, and certainly the ones I have now, have wanted to please me, have wanted to pleasure me, and I know they're all trying. The thing is - girls take time! And I take time! I wish I could have mind-blowing orgasms with five minutes of oral - I just can't. And I feel for them, I do - hell, when I'm giving oral it's fun for the first five minutes and then it's like, okay, let's finish up here. But I need more time than that and Sir gives it. The other good thing about Sir is he's not scared to mix it up - fingers, oral, toys...so many different sensations. He also makes things a little rough (uh, duh, he's a Dom!) which helps a lot.
We haven't really got into much real BDSM stuff - he restrained me a tiny bit the other day (just my ankles for about ten minutes) and spanked me a little, but that's it. So far it's mostly just sex - not even especially rough sex - just a lot of it. And I don't know if I need or want more. The spanking doesn't really do much for me - don't get me wrong, I like having my ass slapped while I'm on top during sex, and getting my nipples pinched a little feels good while I'm being stimulated - but it's very much a 'pain added to pleasure' thing. The plain old pain either is just annoying or hurts! Sir is introducing me very slowly, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things turn out.
I'm trying to figure out though how much of it is the D/s aspect, how much is his technique, and how much is just that he puts in the time to do it right. Most of the lovers I've had in my life, and certainly the ones I have now, have wanted to please me, have wanted to pleasure me, and I know they're all trying. The thing is - girls take time! And I take time! I wish I could have mind-blowing orgasms with five minutes of oral - I just can't. And I feel for them, I do - hell, when I'm giving oral it's fun for the first five minutes and then it's like, okay, let's finish up here. But I need more time than that and Sir gives it. The other good thing about Sir is he's not scared to mix it up - fingers, oral, toys...so many different sensations. He also makes things a little rough (uh, duh, he's a Dom!) which helps a lot.
We haven't really got into much real BDSM stuff - he restrained me a tiny bit the other day (just my ankles for about ten minutes) and spanked me a little, but that's it. So far it's mostly just sex - not even especially rough sex - just a lot of it. And I don't know if I need or want more. The spanking doesn't really do much for me - don't get me wrong, I like having my ass slapped while I'm on top during sex, and getting my nipples pinched a little feels good while I'm being stimulated - but it's very much a 'pain added to pleasure' thing. The plain old pain either is just annoying or hurts! Sir is introducing me very slowly, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things turn out.
Wednesday 17 July 2013
Thoughts on K
K just left. Literally, one minute ago. He came into town but could only stay about an hour and a half - this is the one problem with sleeping with married men - sessions are by necessity pretty short!
When we were cuddling afterward he said "I can never tell when you cum". Ummm...because I didn't. And I feel awful. He is trying so hard, he probably spent 45 minutes all told with his tongue in my pussy and it's just not happening! I don't get it! Everything he's doing feels good, and I like it that he likes me so much...but I'm just not getting to that point.
With J, I cum from his cock - from sex. It just hits me in the right way. I had one of those orgasms that left me giggling and weak in the knees for 15 minutes afterwards with him.
Sir kind of took my orgasm from me - rough and using toys - and it was amazing
But K? Nothing. He seems to have difficulty doing more than one thing at a time - if there are fingers inside me and he's licking me, the fingers do nothing. If the fingers start doing something, the tongue stops.
I wonder about him - he's got very big muscular arms but his stomach - I've never felt anything like it. Not fat just...loose? I suspect he lost a significant amount of weight and now has excess skin. It's kind of a turn off.
I can tell he's really struggling with the idea that other men may have me too. He doesn't know any specifics, but I'm not into lying to my lovers so I haven't told him he's the only one. And he's brought it up a few times. I sent him some pictures of some new toys I got about a week and a half ago, and the other day he emailed me 'have you used them with anyone else?' Well, the answer is yes, Sir came over the night I got them. But I know he doesn't want to hear that and I don't particularly want to discuss it. So I didn't respond to that one (luckily he sends me a message every few hours so I just responded to the next!) but he kind of brought it up after we finished tonight. I told him 'hey, I don't ask about every time you kiss your wife' and 'don't ask questions you don't want the answers to', but I don't know if he's going to be able to put it aside in his mind. Oh well, I guess time will tell.
Sir had to cancel tomorrow. I'm so disappointed :(
When we were cuddling afterward he said "I can never tell when you cum". Ummm...because I didn't. And I feel awful. He is trying so hard, he probably spent 45 minutes all told with his tongue in my pussy and it's just not happening! I don't get it! Everything he's doing feels good, and I like it that he likes me so much...but I'm just not getting to that point.
With J, I cum from his cock - from sex. It just hits me in the right way. I had one of those orgasms that left me giggling and weak in the knees for 15 minutes afterwards with him.
Sir kind of took my orgasm from me - rough and using toys - and it was amazing
But K? Nothing. He seems to have difficulty doing more than one thing at a time - if there are fingers inside me and he's licking me, the fingers do nothing. If the fingers start doing something, the tongue stops.
I wonder about him - he's got very big muscular arms but his stomach - I've never felt anything like it. Not fat just...loose? I suspect he lost a significant amount of weight and now has excess skin. It's kind of a turn off.
I can tell he's really struggling with the idea that other men may have me too. He doesn't know any specifics, but I'm not into lying to my lovers so I haven't told him he's the only one. And he's brought it up a few times. I sent him some pictures of some new toys I got about a week and a half ago, and the other day he emailed me 'have you used them with anyone else?' Well, the answer is yes, Sir came over the night I got them. But I know he doesn't want to hear that and I don't particularly want to discuss it. So I didn't respond to that one (luckily he sends me a message every few hours so I just responded to the next!) but he kind of brought it up after we finished tonight. I told him 'hey, I don't ask about every time you kiss your wife' and 'don't ask questions you don't want the answers to', but I don't know if he's going to be able to put it aside in his mind. Oh well, I guess time will tell.
Sir had to cancel tomorrow. I'm so disappointed :(
Is this heaven?
So several of my coworkers and I were having a tongue in cheek conversation about the afterlife today - do you believe in heaven and hell, etc. So one guy said, "I'd like it to be like Muslim heaven where I get a bunch of girls - it would be great, maybe one would like to have sex, one would like to play tennis, one's really smart" and it got me to thinking - is my current situation heaven?
J has what I call a 'magic cock' that gets me off (from sex! Who knew that was possible?)
K worships me and treats me like a goddess
Sir dominates me and makes me feel controlled (in a good way!)
And A and I have great talks - plus he's a photographer and there are naughty photo sessions in our future!
I guess I am in heaven!
J has what I call a 'magic cock' that gets me off (from sex! Who knew that was possible?)
K worships me and treats me like a goddess
Sir dominates me and makes me feel controlled (in a good way!)
And A and I have great talks - plus he's a photographer and there are naughty photo sessions in our future!
I guess I am in heaven!
Tuesday 16 July 2013
Sick mistress...
I've developed a nasty cold! What a pain! I have two dates set up in the next two days - K is coming over tomorrow and Sir and I have a training session planned for the day after.
I'm not really worried about seeing K, he's very sweet, and is always emailing me talking about wanting to run me bubble baths, massage me, kiss me, etc. I've warned him that I'm sick and he still wants to see me, so I'm sure it'll be great.
With Sir...I'm not nervous, but I'm just a little apprehensive. I want to play the 'sub' role as well as I can when I'm with him (pretty sure it's a role - as soon as we're done I'm back to the same old bossy girl) and I'm a little worried that I might push myself a little further than I should while I'm sick. When sitting in a chair for too long makes me sore I can't imagine what some spankings and rough sex might do! I've emailed him and let him know I'm sick but haven't heard back yet. Although he is a Dom he's very conscious of my feelings and limits (and has actually told me to tell him if things are getting too rough - I had very ouchy nipples last time and didn't tell him. I should have) and, if he still wants to meet, I'm sure it'll go okay. I'll report back!
I'm not really worried about seeing K, he's very sweet, and is always emailing me talking about wanting to run me bubble baths, massage me, kiss me, etc. I've warned him that I'm sick and he still wants to see me, so I'm sure it'll be great.
With Sir...I'm not nervous, but I'm just a little apprehensive. I want to play the 'sub' role as well as I can when I'm with him (pretty sure it's a role - as soon as we're done I'm back to the same old bossy girl) and I'm a little worried that I might push myself a little further than I should while I'm sick. When sitting in a chair for too long makes me sore I can't imagine what some spankings and rough sex might do! I've emailed him and let him know I'm sick but haven't heard back yet. Although he is a Dom he's very conscious of my feelings and limits (and has actually told me to tell him if things are getting too rough - I had very ouchy nipples last time and didn't tell him. I should have) and, if he still wants to meet, I'm sure it'll go okay. I'll report back!
Friday 12 July 2013
Four Lovers
I now have four married men that I have had sex with and I plan to continue with them.
J - early forties, married, three little kids, due to medical problems his wife has completely lost her sex drive, he still loves her very much but needs sex in his life. We've spent the most time together, 3 meetings, all have ended in sex
A - late thirties, in a common law relationship for several years, I get the feeling he's very unhappy with the way his life has turned out but feels like he's stuck. He talks about his wife sometimes and I get the feeling he's trying to convince himself he loves her, when actually he feels obliged to stay with her (I have a feeling her parents have helped them out a lot financially). We've met once for drinks and wound up having sex that night. We've tried to meet up a few times since then but it hasn't worked out yet. We'll keep trying!
K - mid-thirties, married, two tween-age kids, has an 'open relationship/don't ask don't tell' with his wife - they're staying together because they know it would destroy the kids if they split up. Quite obsessed with me! My only lover who has brought me gifts so far (nothing outlandish), we've met twice - once for drinks and a make-out session and the second time he came over and we had sex. A very giving lover, really seems to want me to be happy - he's the one that most seems to want to 'date' me.
Sir - late forties, married, I know the least about him of all my lovers, don't know if he has kids, I get the feeling he owns some kind of store or other business, he's a self-avowed Dom, very into BDSM. We've talked a lot about limits, the scariest part of BDSM for me is the pain, and he's assured me he's not really that into that aspect of it - it's more heightening the pleasure with pain and not pain for pain's sake (while I kind of enjoy being controlled and a little bit of pain, I can't take that much!). We've had sex once that was pretty rough for 'vanilla', but very tame for BDSM. We're going to see each other again soon.
I've gone off of Ashley Madison for the time being - I never imagined I would find four such great guys so quickly and I don't want to risk meeting another one!
J - early forties, married, three little kids, due to medical problems his wife has completely lost her sex drive, he still loves her very much but needs sex in his life. We've spent the most time together, 3 meetings, all have ended in sex
A - late thirties, in a common law relationship for several years, I get the feeling he's very unhappy with the way his life has turned out but feels like he's stuck. He talks about his wife sometimes and I get the feeling he's trying to convince himself he loves her, when actually he feels obliged to stay with her (I have a feeling her parents have helped them out a lot financially). We've met once for drinks and wound up having sex that night. We've tried to meet up a few times since then but it hasn't worked out yet. We'll keep trying!
K - mid-thirties, married, two tween-age kids, has an 'open relationship/don't ask don't tell' with his wife - they're staying together because they know it would destroy the kids if they split up. Quite obsessed with me! My only lover who has brought me gifts so far (nothing outlandish), we've met twice - once for drinks and a make-out session and the second time he came over and we had sex. A very giving lover, really seems to want me to be happy - he's the one that most seems to want to 'date' me.
Sir - late forties, married, I know the least about him of all my lovers, don't know if he has kids, I get the feeling he owns some kind of store or other business, he's a self-avowed Dom, very into BDSM. We've talked a lot about limits, the scariest part of BDSM for me is the pain, and he's assured me he's not really that into that aspect of it - it's more heightening the pleasure with pain and not pain for pain's sake (while I kind of enjoy being controlled and a little bit of pain, I can't take that much!). We've had sex once that was pretty rough for 'vanilla', but very tame for BDSM. We're going to see each other again soon.
I've gone off of Ashley Madison for the time being - I never imagined I would find four such great guys so quickly and I don't want to risk meeting another one!
Sir...
My latest lover...is a Dom! I actually know a fair amount of BDSM, not because I've ever really been interested in exploring it myself, but more just out of morbid curiosity - do people really like this? Could people ACTUALLY enjoy pain? I could understand enjoying the control and some light bondage and stuff, but a lot of it, especially when people kind of treat it as their 'lifestyle' was completely foreign to me. Still is, but I'm moving...
Sir messaged me on AM one day and I kind of just responded as a goof - I would never actually want to do this IRL! We messaged for a few days and he started making comments about meeting, and I just stopped responding completely. Not my thing, it was fun to play sub online a little bit, but no. I am far too self-assured and bossy to ever take on that role!
But then I started thinking...and reading...and thinking some more. I reached back out to him and last week we met. He's quite a bit older than me (I think about 17 years) and is married to a vanilla woman (i.e. not into kink/BDSM) but has been doing the Dom thing for quite a while now (I'm not sure exactly how long). We met for a walk in the park (broad daylight, tons of people around!) and I don't think I've ever felt that intimidated on a 'date' before. Generally I'm very confident and self assured but around him I kind of folded in on myself...guess that's the domination.
We talked for about an hour and then parted ways with plans to meet up later that week.
I sent him my address and he came over one night about 9:00 - it was a very different experience! He kind of grabbed me right away and kissed me, hard. He was leading me by my hair from room to room, reaching under my skirt, rubbing me forcefully...calling me a sub...it was just different.
I had probably one of my best orgasms but I don't know if it was because of the control/BDSM aspect or just because he kept at it for much longer than most men do. Lots of oral, using toys on me, rubbing...he kept it pretty light on the BDSM stuff, slapped my ass a couple times, bit me a little not that much. He did a horrible number on my nipples though - they were aching for the next 24 hours! Since then I've told him to take it a little easier - I'm not used to that much pulling and pinching!
I've been trying to get into the 'sub-space', but it's kind of hard for me - my mind doesn't go there for me. At one point I came, and I get pretty noisy when I cum and I've been told before I look like I'm about to cry. It's just the way my face goes. So that happened and he holds on to me like, 'shhh, you're okay'. Yeah, I know I'm okay! I had an orgasm - I'm okay! But I guess in D/s often subs feel scared or overwhelmed. I didn't feel that way - I just felt like I'd had a good fun session of sex!
We're definitely going to meet up again soon and I've told him he can push a little harder (but easier on the nips!) so we'll see if moving things on a little harder shows me the thrill of BDSM...
Sir messaged me on AM one day and I kind of just responded as a goof - I would never actually want to do this IRL! We messaged for a few days and he started making comments about meeting, and I just stopped responding completely. Not my thing, it was fun to play sub online a little bit, but no. I am far too self-assured and bossy to ever take on that role!
But then I started thinking...and reading...and thinking some more. I reached back out to him and last week we met. He's quite a bit older than me (I think about 17 years) and is married to a vanilla woman (i.e. not into kink/BDSM) but has been doing the Dom thing for quite a while now (I'm not sure exactly how long). We met for a walk in the park (broad daylight, tons of people around!) and I don't think I've ever felt that intimidated on a 'date' before. Generally I'm very confident and self assured but around him I kind of folded in on myself...guess that's the domination.
We talked for about an hour and then parted ways with plans to meet up later that week.
I sent him my address and he came over one night about 9:00 - it was a very different experience! He kind of grabbed me right away and kissed me, hard. He was leading me by my hair from room to room, reaching under my skirt, rubbing me forcefully...calling me a sub...it was just different.
I had probably one of my best orgasms but I don't know if it was because of the control/BDSM aspect or just because he kept at it for much longer than most men do. Lots of oral, using toys on me, rubbing...he kept it pretty light on the BDSM stuff, slapped my ass a couple times, bit me a little not that much. He did a horrible number on my nipples though - they were aching for the next 24 hours! Since then I've told him to take it a little easier - I'm not used to that much pulling and pinching!
I've been trying to get into the 'sub-space', but it's kind of hard for me - my mind doesn't go there for me. At one point I came, and I get pretty noisy when I cum and I've been told before I look like I'm about to cry. It's just the way my face goes. So that happened and he holds on to me like, 'shhh, you're okay'. Yeah, I know I'm okay! I had an orgasm - I'm okay! But I guess in D/s often subs feel scared or overwhelmed. I didn't feel that way - I just felt like I'd had a good fun session of sex!
We're definitely going to meet up again soon and I've told him he can push a little harder (but easier on the nips!) so we'll see if moving things on a little harder shows me the thrill of BDSM...
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