I went on a date yesterday, a first date with a single guy. We met on a dating website (while I enjoy my lovers, I would love to meet someone I could have a complete relationship with) and have been texting for a few weeks, but between my illness recently and his travels we weren't able t get it together for a meeting for a while.
He's a nice guy, I'm not sure if there are sparks or if I'll see him again, but it was very interesting that a pretty good chunk of our conversation was about his break-up with his wife due to her infidelity. I guess he had come across some text messages and confronted her, and it all came out. He said something to the effect of 'I guess it was an emotional thing, I don't think it was physical'. In any case, they've been separated for almost a year now and his ex is still with this guy.
Obviously this got me to thinking about my circumstances. The men I am sleeping with are married. Their relationships are all different and they're looking for an outside lover for various reasons, but the one thing they have in common is that they are married. And there is a possibility that, as a result of my actions, their marriages could break up.
But is it a result of my actions? I am not in love with any of these men. Honestly, if they were single I wouldn't even date Sir or K (I might date J and A) - not because they're bad guys but our lifestyles just wouldn't mesh for various reasons. I haven't used my siren song and feminine wiles to attract them away from loving relationships. I haven't encouraged them to do anything they didn't want to do. These men signed into a website whose tagline is "Life is short. Have an affair". They filled in their profiles. They pulled out a credit card and bought some 'credits'. And they started messaging women looking for someone to have sex with, to have some passion with, to pull them outside of their regular lives. And the woman they found to fulfil those fantasies was me. And they're loving it. Every time I see J he gets a goofy grin on his face and says "I'm so happy I met you". K showers me with compliments constantly. Sir has to keep his 'Domly stoicism' but I know he loves that he found me. We're having fun. No one is in love. No one (except maybe K) wants to fall in love. No one wants to change anyone's current circumstances.
All that being said, I have to recognize that it very well might. Someone might forget to wipe out text messages. Someone's wife calls while they're supposed to be at work and they're not. Things happen, and this could all implode. Will I feel guilty if that happens? Maybe. Am I the bad guy? I don't know.
We're walking a tightrope here, and one wrong step could cause my lovers to tumble and fall. I only hope I have a net.
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